Being Rotten to Robbie
by MarandaWrites
Summary: It wasn't my fault. The list grew, getting more and more weird. I would stop, but pissing off Robbie turned out to be fun. And Sportacus is on vacation, so there's no stopping the insanity yet. - Stephanie is stuck pulling pranks on Robbie in hopes of making him angry enough to leave Lazytown. Somehow, the plan is not working the way Steph and her friends guessed it would.
1. The List

Author's Note: Hello all my fellow Lazytowners. I haven't posted anything in this category for a while. I'm still working on _Return to the Forest,_ so don't give up on me. I thought of this comical little story while reading some of my old faves. Enjoy! I'm open to taking a few ideas from you all to incorporate in the 'list,' so remember to review!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my plot bunny that is hopping around

Summary: The tables have been turned; Stephanie and the kids are plotting against Robbie in hopes that he will learn his lesson. And since Sportacus is on vacation, no one can stop their brilliant plan. Will Robbie survive?

 **Being Rotten to Robbie**

 _One: The List_

If you said this was my fault, you'd be half right. It's Stingy's fault, if there was blame to pin. He was the one with the brilliant idea to piss off Robbie Rotten. I'm just the one who laughed and agreed. And that is why I am also the one stuck with the list compiled by my friends with all of the wonderful plans. I'm the one who has to do every little thing on here and somehow survive Robbie's wrath.

I'm also the only one who gives Robbie the time of day around here. They hate me for it.

What do I get out of it? A few more laughs and the group will do some research for one of my worst college courses: Shakespearean History and Literature. I'm twenty-one; you'd think I'd be a wiz at this stuff, but Shakespeare is just hard for me. At least I will finally have some help . . . after this list is complete and Robbie runs for the hills screaming. (What, are you crazy? Everyone else is in their teens and would probably stab me if I actually asked for help.)

Ugh. How fitting that number twelve on the list is to recite Shakespearean poetry to Robbie. Trixie must have written that one on purpose. She has been such a bitch to me ever since I got accepted to one of the better universities around here. A seed was planted in her mind from LaLa-Land that I'm high and mighty and I'm too snotty to be her friend anymore. Not true at all. Last summer, she walked right past me with her cool little gothic friends and didn't even glance in my direction. So the fact that this list has come to fruition is a miracle. It has brought all of us back together for one common purpose and I hope it will help us all be friends again.

"Good luck," Ziggy says with a mouthful of gummy worms.

My teeth ache just looking at him. "Thanks."

Ready. Set. Go, Steph.

I unfold the list.

 _Ways to Piss off Robbie:_

 _1.) Bake cupcakes for the Town Meeting. When he goes to eat one, 'accidentally' smash his face in one._

 _2.) Ask him how many cavities he has because of all the sweets he eats. When he answers, say he should have more because he, too, is very sweet. Run away, laughing._

 _3.) Suggest he take up dance classes so he and Sportacus can have a dance-off. Whoever wins gets to stay in Lazytown, the loser leaves forever._

 _4.) Call him 'Cutie Patootie.'_

 _5.) Bring bags of flour to his home. Tell him to water them and put them in direct sunlight. If he looks at you like you're insane, you have succeeded._

The list went on for another page. Trixie suggested that after it is done, they will add more according to his reactions. Some of the pranks are a little strange. I don't know what calling Robbie a 'cutie patootie,' will do. Hopefully he will laugh it off. On my way back to Uncle Milford's, I see Robbie nosing around near Town Hall. With Sportacus on vacation, I have no clue why he would plan any mischief for tonight. The meetings are usually short, but are followed by refreshments and mingling outside. I sigh and walk past him. I suppose I should make those cupcakes.

 _6.) Football tackle him. When he gets up, do it again. When he asks why, tell him it felt good to hurt him a little after all the trouble he's caused._

 _7.) On the night of the full moon, howl at his billboard. Hide in the bushes to see if he is scared._

Cupakes are out of the oven, cooling down. I'm beginning to feel slightly nervous. Maybe this joke-a-thon is a bad idea.

"That smells wonderful," Uncle Milford appears in the doorway. "Are those for tonight's meeting?"

I nod. "I just need to frost them. The meeting is at five, right?"

"Yes, twenty minutes away. I will be over there preparing the hall. Bessie is in charge of setting outside up. I'm glad you could come back this summer. Last summer, you were here for a week and I barely saw you! Honestly, we are all proud of you for going to college, Stephanie. Your life has only just begun."

"Thanks, Uncle. I have to say, I am very excited for next year; I'll have my degree in Physical Fitness and minor in Physical Therapy. I can finally open up a gym of my own, right here in Lazytown. Too bad Sportacus isn't here. He'd probably be all over the idea as if it was his own."

He shrugs. "Yes, I can see that. Well, see you in a bit."

 _This was my fault._ If I hadn't accepted these challenges, I could go on my merry way having a good summer. Too late, Steph.

With a short meeting, we are all glad to leave Town Hall. I inhale a deep breath as my friends plant their eyes on me like weeds. I can't shake them off, despite my weaving in and out of food tables. Robbie heads for some grilled chicken and potato salad. I head for the same table. I need to buy some time before I begin pissing him off. (And I am starving!)

"Where's Sportapoop?" Robbie speaks directly to me.

I turn around to face him. I hold my food plate as if it will save me from his bad mood. "On vacation," I reply. "I saw you here earlier. What were you doing?"

He stomps, "Just my luck. Whatever you do, don't walk by the mailbox."

"Right," I begin to walk away.

But I trip. On my own damn shoes. And potato salad goes flying.

Dammit.


	2. Cavities and Flour

_Two: Cavities and Flour_

What could I have done to make this situation better? Well, I could have left Robbie alone to wipe the potatoes off of his face. Instead, with eyes on me, I take and smash a cupcake right on his forehead. He grunts. He stomps and yells for a napkin.

"Why one earth would you do that to me?" Robbie storms off to the trash and throws the napkins away. His face is now clean, but dirty with anger. "More importantly, you destroyed a perfectly good cupcake."

I reply, "I thought you might need the extra sugar injected through your pores. By the way, do you have any cavities?"

He cocks an eyebrow and shoots back, "Is that your business?"

"Well," I say. "I was wondering because you are sweet enough to have a whole mouthful of them."

He falls short of words. "Pinky, I . . . Thank you? I'm not sure if that is a compliment."

I am supposed to run away laughing, but Robbie's gaze has me glued to the ground.

The kids giggle under their breath.

I am on a roll, so I might as well crank out a few more of these annoyances. I step closer to Robbie and poke him in the chest. "You should take up dance classes. When Sportacus comes back from Hawaii, you could have a dance-off. Winner stays in Lazytown. I know he can't dance very well."

Robbie shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not sure that is a good idea. The town would root for him regardless." He adds, "Besides, I don't have time for that. It's getting late, I'm going to go home. I have to say, this was a strange conversation. To answer you, I don't have any cavities. I take very good care of my teeth."

"That's great, Robbie." I don't know what else to say except, "You're such a cutie-patootie."

His mouth drops open. He shakes his head and stammers, "Th-thanks, I guess."

He walks off, not even saying goodbye.

Trixie comes up to me. She waits for Robbie to disappear and belts out laughter. "Good stuff, Steph. He is clueless. Now you just have to move onto the better ones like tackling him and whatever. I have a few more in mind to add, but I'll wait and see how things play out. Ah, that cracked me up."

I receive praise from the others as the night comes to an end. I help Uncle Milford clean up and we head back home. After a cup of hot cocoa, I head to bed. I know tomorrow morning I will have to run to the supermarket and buy different types of flour. I hope at the end of all this, Robbie doesn't hate me entirely. I'm doing this for amusement as well, but Robbie is usually pretty nice to me. He stopped causing trouble a few years ago when he realized how old we were all getting. No longer kids, we ruined his pranks by calling him out on them. Even Sportacus began telling Robbie to grow up. Sure, it wasn't kind of him to say that. However, Robbie merely brushed his shoulders off and kept doing what he always did. I like that about him; he never strays from the path of life he chose. No one really knows Robbie's past, but I'm positive something made him hate strong and athletic men like Sportacus. I don't blame him in a way. I think he might be a little jealous of Sportacus since he always has a spotlight on him. It's not a big deal to me, though. Sportacus may be the rock and foundation of this town, but Robbie is the roof of the house keeping all the townspeople dry and safe. Robbie watches out for us, even if he won't admit it.

The next morning I wake to a silent house. It is a little past six and Uncle Milford is nowhere to be found. I see a note on the kitchen counter explaining that he has gone to a business class in the next city over and will be back sometime late afternoon. I take this opportunity to shower, make some eggs and toast for breakfast, and clean the house. It is nearly nine by the time I am done. Time to go to the grocery store.

I can't find many flours, just wheat, almond, soy, and white. I place them in a wooden box and laugh at how ridiculous this looks. I suppose I'm expected to hand-deliver these to his house. I don't know how the kids will keep tabs on some of these. I'm hoping they won't watch me howl at his billboard or tackle him. They'll just have to trust me on those.

I make my way out of the store and walk towards the center of town again. It won't take long to get to Robbie's place, but these flours are somewhat heavier than what I can normally carry. I reach my house and pass by the baseball field. The kids are not outside yet. I don't plan on waking any of them up, either.

The sun is hot on my face and I can feel sweat starting to form. I reach Robbie's house and stare up at the billboard. Maybe it's best if I just leave these here and go.

"What are you doing here?" I hear Robbie's voice bounce off of the trees. He emerges from behind the wood line and approaches me with a quizzical look.

I ask, "What are you doing outside?"

"I lost something – none of your business. What is that?" He pokes a package of flour.

"I got your flours," I explain. "Different flours. You need to water them and take care of them. They need direct sunlight."

I expect him to look at me like I'm insane. Instead, he starts rambling, "Those are not the flours you think they are. These are for baking, Pinky. How thick are you? And why would you bring me a gift? What, is it Betty Crocker Day or something?"

"No, I just thought you might like them."

He runs his hand along his hairline and huffs, "I don't want any gifts, especially from you. Get out of here. Go play with your little pals and talk about your miserable life."

"Wow," I drop the box to the ground. The loud thud startles both of us. "You're so rude, Robbie. Seriously. Have a great day, jerk."

I turn and leave, wondering why I signed up for this once again.


	3. Football Game

A/N: Hello! Thank you for reviewing and liking this story. I'm hoping to get a few laughs from my viewers. If you think of any funny additions to the list, I will try and use them (obviously crediting you). Hehe, let's see what happens next!

 _Three: Football Game_

After my run-in with Robbie, I find time to lie on the bleachers and relax. I hear chattering and excitement close in on the field. The kids are playing soccer in no time, not realizing I'm even here.

"Oh, someone looks grumpy," Ziggy announces.

I lift my head to see the commotion. Robbie is storming through their crowd grunting and swearing. It's almost refreshing hearing different curse words spilling out of his mouth. Not often do I get to see or hear anyone be a real human here in Lazytown. Everything is always so PG. I lay my head back down to rest again, but the swearing is coming closer. I pop up like Dracula from his coffin and swing my legs around so I am sitting upright. Robbie is coming straight for me.

"Pinky!" He shouts.

Trixie yells, "Don't say excuse me or anything."

He snaps his head around, "Was I talking to you? No? Thought so."

I stand, unsure of what the issue is. I've never seen Robbie act so pissed off before. As he stops at the bottom of the bleachers, I take the hint and climb off of them.

"Uh . . . How are you? Is there something I can help you with?" I don't mean to sound nervous, but he can see right through me. I'm a transparent page trying to cover answers to a school test.

He starts ranting, "I've done nothing lately to bother you or your group of slimy, grimy teenage friends here. I haven't caused any problems, haven't tried to trick any of you, or even planned ways to get Sportacus out of here. So why on Earth can't I find some of my disguises? I'm missing my gray suit for business, Rottenbeard, and my Lazyscout outfit. Did you steal them?"

"No, not me anyways." I answer, confused as all hell. "Did you ask the others? I mean look at them, snickering behind your back."

He turns and the kids immediately stop chuckling. I have no clue what they've done, but somehow someone broke into his home and took things. That was not part of the plan. I remain calm and prepare for the storm.

Robbie points a sword-sharp finger at the group and declares, "I will find out who did this, so help me. When I do, it's curtains for you."

"I'll believe it's true." Stingy rhymed with Robbie, "You'll get even when it's through. I might buy some glue, take a poo, tie my shoe."

Even I have a hard time not laughing at this. Robbie turns back to me and scolds me like I'm a child, "Get these kids some muzzles, will you? Aren't you in charge of them? Crack that whip, Pinky."

"How dare you talk to me like that!" I shout, "Ever since this morning, you've wanted to rip my head off. For your information, these _kids_ are not my responsibility. Yeah, someone broke into your house and stole your costumes. So what? Is there any money missing? Any expensive possessions? You really need to think before you begin treating everyone as if they are beneath you. God, Robbie, I never knew this side of you. Take the stick out of your ass!"

"Pinky!" He steps back with a gasp, "You think my disguises are cheap? Do you have any idea how much hard work went into buying those? I spent the majority of my younger life saving up for my inventions and so-called costumes."

I Feel myself filling with years of anger from Robbie's immaturity. "I don't understand you, Robbie. What's a costume going to do for you now, anyways? We're all too old for your antics and frankly, so are you. Maybe it's time to grow up!"

"Me grow up? What about you and your pink hair? How long is that going to last? I can't even imagine the damage the color causes your long locks."

Somewhere deep in my heart, I know Robbie is just frustrated. However, now that I have been personally attacked, it is time to kick ass.

 _6.) Football tackle him. When he gets up, do it again. When he asks why, tell him it felt good to hurt him a little after all the trouble he's caused_.

"You're being such an ass," I shout. Next thing I know, my body is throwing itself into his. I don't even take time to gain momentum. This is a problem because I clearly forget how strong Robbie can be. Instead of toppling him over, he catches me. I push him off of me and he falls back.

"What was that?" He jests, "My Grandma tackles better than that!"

Alright. If I am going to do this right . . . I take a few steps back and jolt at Robbie like a raging bull. I tackle him and we fall to the ground, me on top of him screaming about how mean he is. I can't even keep up with what I am shouting at him. He manages to roll me off of him. I stand up first, panting and huffing like The Bad Wolf. He stands and wipes dirt off of his clothes. I lunge at him again and we fall again to the ground. I let my arms fall to either side of him and he grunts.

"A second time? Really?" Robbie says, his voice trembling with surprise and exhaustion.

His eyes square into mine. I try to recall what I'm supposed to say to him. I can feel the kids' beady eyes focus on me like tiny laser beams. With Robbie's stare intensifying, my breathing slows down. I stutter quietly, "It felt g-good to . . . to hurt you a little."

Robbie cocks an eyebrow and opens his mouth as if he wants to say something. Instead, he just rolls me off of him again. He stands up first and I lie on the ground like a helpless bug. He observes me and I can't explain the sudden burst of nerves traveling through my system. If my veins were wires, they would all be short circuited. He shrugs and extends a hand to help me up. I face him and feel a light blush warm my cheeks. With a final grunt, Robbie walks away without another word.

The kids begin squawking their parrot-beaks at me.

"You did it!" Ziggy boasts, "You pissed him off royally. Ha. And guess what? He has no idea who took his disguises."

This comment shakes me out of my daze that followed Robbie off of the field to wherever he went. I say, "Whoever took his stuff had better return it by the end of the day or the deal is off. It's not fair to tamper with this challenge, especially when it means being a thief. Seriously, who took his clothes?"

They glance at one another. No one speaks up.

"Fine," I add. "Be that way, but see if I keep going on. Return his stuff or I will tell Sportacus all about these shenanigans."

They gasp. Somehow, threatening to tell Sportacus anything these days makes them stop and listen. It's as if years of his 'rule' has brainwashed them all into obeying his every wish. I don't know what made me smart enough not to care, but I'm glad his judgmental opinions don't matter to me. After no one fesses up, I decide to leave and walk off the strange feelings that still dwell in my stomach. Maybe the pent up anger towards Robbie and a final physical action against his bullshit made me secretly happy. Maybe I did like hurting him. After all, being rotten to Robbie is turning out to be quite amusing.


	4. Full Moon

_Four: Full Moon_

As night drifted in like a lone ship, I looked up at the sky and swore loudly. I sat on my porch, trying to ignore the giant white cookie emerging behind night clouds. I could hear Trixie's voice in my head telling me to get a move on. After Robbie's yelling match with me, I really didn't want to top off the night with another reason for him to hate me. However, the reason for this list was to get even with all that Robbie has done to us. At least I think so. Honestly, I think the kids just want to piss him off enough to leave Lazytown.

I sneak through the darkness with a flashlight by my side. I pass the soccer field and head towards Robbie's house. Just a few feet from his home, I notice how peaceful it is here. In the distance, I hear an owl humming to the woodland night creatures. I realize Robbie must really like the country. This is the only spot in Lazytown that is not polluted by city noise.

 _7.) On the night of the full moon, howl at his billboard. Hide in the bushes to see if he is scared._

My brain is rattled with choices to make. I take a deep breath and using my loudest volume, let out a very feminine sounding howl. I count to ten and do it once more. I sneak over to a giant oak tree and duck behind it, careful not to be illuminated by moonlight. My nerves are causing all sorts of discomfort in my muscles. What seems like an eternity, I hear the top of Robbie's home open.

Oowwwoooooh

I do it once more. Robbie's head emerges and he whips his head left, right, left, forward. I watch as he climbs out and stands atop the billboard like a captain aboard a ship.

"Hey," A voice whispers behind me. My eyes grow wide, but I am wise not to shriek. Trixie ducks behind me and says, "You can't fulfill the list without a witness. Nice howls."

I peek back around to see Robbie climbing down to ground level.

"Shit," I say with heavy breath. "We need to move. Go."

Robbie exclaims, "Whoever is out here better leave now. You and your fake howling – sounds more like a dying dog – don't make me come after you."

I'm frozen, immobile. Trixie nods to me and crawls along the ground back the way she came. She literally came to see me make a fool of myself. Meanwhile, I'm against a tree like a marble statue, gray and white with anxiety. Robbie's footsteps are getting closer. They stop. All is silent again. Why didn't I plan an escape before I did this? With no other way, I lower myself slowly on my belly and start crawling through the grass.

"Stop right there!" Robbie's voice booms in my ears.

Defeated, I roll onto my back and stare up at a very, very irate villain.

Robbie asks, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Just lying around," I shoot back.

A sudden look of deep concern washes over his face. He extends his hand. "Well, get up, there's a wolf out here. I thought my yelling would scare it away. Have you seen it?"

Under the moonlight, Robbie's face is chiseled, soft, and caring. I reach up and take his hand. He thinks it was a real wolf after all, which surprises me. Quickly, I am pulled off of the ground and slam into Robbie's chest. He lets our fingers remain locked a little longer. A strange shock zings from my hand through my arm to my stomach, where it rolls around in cartwheels.

Robbie lifts my chin with his finger.

"Uh," My voice allows a tiny whimper to escape my lips. A warm sensation pools into my belly.

"You need to go home where it is safe, Pinky." His stare is square in my eyes.

What is happening to me? I shake the feeling off and let go of Robbie's hand. I stumble for words, which gets me nothing but a strange glance. Still holding our eye contact, Robbie raises one eyebrow again.

"There is no wolf, is there?" Robbie snaps. "I should have known better. What is wrong with you? Why are you bothering me so much? Can a grown man get a decent night's sleep?"

I laugh nervously, "It wasn't my idea. I . . . I was just fooling around. I'm sorry."

"You know what?" He shoots back, "Just leave. Get out of my face." He steps back and adds a rough, "You're ridiculous. And if you don't get my costumes back by tomorrow night, I'm going to the police."

Shit. I take a staggered breath and turn my back. My walk of shame begins and I can still feel his hot chocolate eyes digging into me. This whole Bothering Robbie Plan is a complete disaster. Sure, it was funny in the beginning, but I think it's time I step off the plate and let someone else swing the bat. Though I'm taking my time walking back to Uncle Milford's, I have an urge to turn around and tell him everything. _Not yet_ , I think. I need to stick to the plan so Robbie leaves Lazytown for good.

I look up at the stars and wonder if I really want to see Robbie move out of town. With so many places in the world to live, I might never see him again. This statement alone replays in my head and I choke up. Something is happening to me. From a mere touch of his hand, my body reacted in some phenomenal way as if I'd never been touched by him before. We used to horse around, play Frisbee, he even held me back once in a costume pretending he was a hero as a fake monster emerged. My body shudders at this memory. I feel the knots in my stomach tighten.

Shame on me.

It is just my imagination. Maybe I need a date? Yeah, I need a date with someone else who is not a brilliant villain. A brilliant, handsome villain.

Staring at Uncle Milford's door, I can only laugh at myself. As I walk in to a quiet house, I find a folded up note with my name on it. It's in Pixel's writing. I creep upstairs and into my room, sit on my bed, and unfold it. It is a new list. Revised. Written in black ink and highlighted on scattered parts to emphasize importance on my efforts.

On the bottom, the gang signs their names. On the bottom, they say if I help them with destroying Robbie's life here, they will help _hook me up_ with Sportacus because _he secretly has a crush on me_.

Is that really a fair bargain for breaking a person's spirit?

As I read the list once more, I realize these teens have a lot of growing up to do. And if I quit, I will probably be the one to leave Lazytown forever.


End file.
